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Posted in : about life/the Christian faith,poems,stream of consciousness/random

A time of transition,
A time of respite―
When all’s going well,
Seems it’s not going right.

Lost and confused―
Yet ready to go―
It’s all just because
I don’t know that I know.

One day it’s up and
It’s all going well.
Some days it feels like
Being quite dragged through hell.

First things are up,
Next thing I know, they’re down―
Sick to death of being
Mentally tossed around.

At the end of the day
When I’ve battled and fought,
“Is it all a big waste,” My mind haunts,
“Just for naught?”

Will it be this?
Will it be that?
Demanding my way―
Like a common spoiled brat.

The only repose―
Only rest for my soul―
The remedy for where
In my chest there’s a hole,

Is to sleep and remember,
To stop and to rest,
Things I cannot control
Default to Jesus.

―Travis J, MBA

1.00 AM,
June 20, 2015



Every New Year There’s a First

Posted in : poems

Morning’s security always made sense;
Start out at the school, a normal day—
Have some work, learn some things—
But now a change is underway:

The chill on my bones
From the morning’s breeze,
Stands for my new life—
A shift taken not with much ease.

Now not at the school,
But hospital room instead;
The mem’ries and laughter,
They streak through my head.

A new dawn has arrived,
The old’s no longer there—
A time exists, now, where he can’t
Be seen anywhere.

I’ve no time to ask,
I’ve no time to think,
The ball in my throat
Has no time to sink.

What is this new way?
He’s not anywhere;
Unknown, and perhaps,
Too much for to bear?

Decisions, decisions,
They beckon and call;
While family relentlessly
Fills up the hall.

Outside tells a story—
The new one to begin—
Where the coldness and mystery
Sit eternally within.

–Travis J
4.00 P.M.-ish


Breathless Pain

Posted in : poems

I feel like the mem’ries are back in my head,
They’re pushed way back and I thought they were dead:

Breathless nights after days where all I did was push,
I scurried around—existence was mush.

So much to do and to keep lookin into—
“This happens to other people, but, no, really, us too..?”

You go and you do, read as much as you can,
You ask, wait, and hope—and all this you can’t stand.

When the day’s over you breathe once and it’s the end;
Then soon you wake up, just to do it again.

—Travis J

12.12 AM


You Know or You Don’t

Posted in : poems,stream of consciousness/random

If you know
Then you know;

You can let me know,
And we can let it go.

But if you don’t know,
Then don’t suppose,

Just let go and don’t control;
Let’s not pretend and show a show.

We’ll live, we’ll do, and talk, and so–
Eventually we’ll have our know.

–Travis J

Sort of thought of it earlier in the night, around 8.30 PM, but just wrote it out now, at like 10.45–11.02-ish PM



Not a Waste

Posted in : poems,stream of consciousness/random

Dot every “i”, cross every “t”,
But still it don’t matter with what is to be.

There’s things you control and things that you can’t—
Don’t let your thoughts kill you, and run all rampant.

“Quit you like men!” Stand up and be strong;
When you’re confused in the day and nights are so long.

Huddle together—I’ve got you, you’ve got me—
We’ll cut our losses, move on, and tell the world our story.

—Travis J,
2.25-ish AM


No Longer Work for Free

Posted in : poems

I did you a favor,
Why is it you can’t see?

My intentions pure, work ethic hard—
Why you doin this to me?

You’re worried you’d go under,
Different I thought it’d be.

I tried my best to do required,
Did my best to make you see

That some are out there that’re good,
You don’t b’lieve me obvi’sly.

So go ahead and burn a bridge,
Or one or two or three;

Keep living, doing, operating,
I’ll no longer work for free.

—Travis J
12.45 AM-ish, 3/20/2012


Biggest Mistake Ever

Posted in : poems

Biggest mistake ever,
I ran away too soon.
It scared me when I thought of you
and thought I had no room.

On one hand I’d many visions
and I had so many dreams;
then it felt like the other hand
Was you and me and all our means.

I thought the places each would take me
were much too incompatible.
So panicked, made a decision,
that’s, alas, regrettable.

Why couldn’t I remember?
Why’s it that I couldn’t see..?
Why do I think it impossible,
an eternal care for me..?

I thought the differences and the cash,
Would make you run away.
So what I did? Headed it off,
Thought there wasn’t any reason we should play.

How quickly I forgot,
Or chose simply to not see—
It’s possible, it might’ve been
That you really, truly cared for me.

Though I can say that I was strong,
remained steadfast, stuck to my guns—
that confidence and comfort’s empty,
‘cuz all I’m left with is re-runs.

This attitude I’ve got,
and these conclusions that I’ve reached,
If I was honest, they’re prolly fair,
since our relationship I breached.

Travis J
1.00 AM-ish
February 29th, 2012


Three Things

Posted in : poems

It’s time for alert—
We’ve suffered a hurt.

No one can we trust
(in dad’s ways that’s a must).

After his departure, what were we to do?
World’s cold, people rough—all this I knew.

Our assets, our things, our futures at stake;
Of what of all this was I s’posed to make?

Nowadays, I put up with less,
I’m not gonna lie—of that I confess.

Peoples’ words, their intentions, their wastes of time—
They can throw away theirs, but they’ll have none of mine.

Since his death, priorities have shifted,
Some of my hearts’ concerns have drifted.

It made us tough, it made us hard—
When the three of us had our whole worlds jarred.

Now there’s three things, I need to ask,
Whilst throughout my life in Your glory I bask:

First now I need to return, please,
Please grant me Lord, some peace, some ease.

And two please help me not be cold—
And dread time’s been wasted when I get old.

Three help me remember it’s not about me,
And pray not always so selfishly.

I know You have us in Your hands,
Remind my subconscious to understand.

—Travis J
11.45-ish PM, 12/6/2011


Nervously Eager

Posted in : about life/the Christian faith,poems

Nervous about tomorrow,
Though I know I shouldn’t be.
It’s not the task itself,
But on what it may mean.

It’s got me second-guessin,
Myself, my life, my mission.
Cuz once you sign that dotted line,
I mean, once you initial;

That’s it, there go the plans,
They’re done!
I know there’s so much that I want to do,
And deep down I know it’s ALL for You,

But I want to do the best,
Live the life for which I’m fitted.
Why do my talents seem to be
The enemy against whom I’m pitted?

The pressure s’posed to have subsided,
It’s supposed to have been gone.
This kind of stress and second-guess,
I thought its days were done.

Oh good now made myself sick,
That’s all I really needed.
Whether the weather or whatever,
I simply feel defeated.

Too confident to cry,
Too assured to worry,
Too concerned I’ll go too slow
Yet still get in a hurry;

Why do I feel I’m “forcing it”—
That’s what I’ve done, and always been;
It’s worked real well, I’ve had the faith,
Doubtless had His guidance without end.

I’ve gotta let it simmer,
And gotta get some sleep;
For tomorrow, yes tomorrow,
Liable to make a big leap.

Travis Jones
9-5-2011, 9-6-2011,
12.24 AM (on the 6th)


Wither We Do, Wither We Don’t

Posted in : about life/the Christian faith,poems,stream of consciousness/random

You tap the soul out of the life,
Our joy we derive, it becomes strife.

I learned your ways, I must admit,
At my need, pull tools from your kit.

What am I saying–what is this tripe?
Our brains are soft, for picking, ripe.

Off your effects we cannot stave,
And our spirits become enslaved.

Though deep down you’re dark as night,
I can’t deny you still bring light.

You make me mad, you make me free,
Someone use the pin of honesty..

— Travis J


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